please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
