kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Randomize
