so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
