you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize
