She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
