Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
