Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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