that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
