All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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