It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Randomize
