Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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