I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
