Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
