yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
We're not piercing ourselves today.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
