You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
