I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
