nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
