What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
