apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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