YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
