a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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