tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
