i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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