my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm too high and old for this...
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
