You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Randomize
