Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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