I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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