I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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