we have officially lost it.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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