Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
