Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
