Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
