My girlfriend figured out who you are.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
