Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
