if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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