Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
