I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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