GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
