I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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