They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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