when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
