I faked an abortion last night.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
It was confusing and full of hummus
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
