there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
