Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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