So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
