I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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