god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
