You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
