youre lurking in front of me
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
