Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Who died my cat blue again?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
