i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
