What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
